I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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