i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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