why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
