I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
