Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
