Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
