I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
