I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
