The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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