In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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