new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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