I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
