I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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