Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
