Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
