I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
