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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
