Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ttyl tear gas
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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