I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
