remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
tequila makes me forget i have legs
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
