made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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