Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
