he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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