I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
