1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
