there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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