Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
