I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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