mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
