She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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