Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
