We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
