we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
