Soap is not a condiment
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
