Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Green mimosas i think yes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
