May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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