I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
