All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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