I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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