I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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