I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
