I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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