I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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