I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
