Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
