i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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