nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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