If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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