Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
