why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
