Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
